You have been deported from Beijing

As I get off the airplane in Beijing, the familiarity of the airport returns to me. I approach the passport control where my Chinese Visa must be approved. I am given the hand signal to approach the woman. As a total shock to me, she says " You know your Visa expired a month ago?". I am then accompanied by a police officer who will be with me throughout my entire experience until deportation and brought into a room. The El-Al Beijing representative tells me that there is a slim to none chance of me being let into the country unless my father is a CEO of a company like Intel. I start making calls to my father to try to negotiate something but nothing seems to work. My father believes that everything is negotiable in China, but this time there was no chance. The very kind El Al Chinese representative first told me that I might have to hop on a flight black to Tel Aviv that night but then helps me brainstorm for solutions. We reach a conclusion that flying to Hong Kong and receiving a Visa there will be the best solution. I wait in the airport for 5 hours until my flight to HK departs. Throughout this entire experience, what is keeping me calm is my new Mark Rich book that I started to enjoy so much on the flight to Beijing. The police offer than brings me over to my gate and to my surprise I was forced to board before even before business class. I wasnt sure if this was a priviledge or a punishment. I wasn't sure if I felt like a criminal or not. I wasnt sure with whom I would spend the holiday with.

Upon arriving to HK airport at 10 PM, I convert some RMB to HK Dollars. My first task was to figure out my visa situation as fast as possible in order to get myself back to Beijing. The Chabad Rabbi in Beijing has a contact in HK who helps me the next morning to get the Visa within one day. My plan was to catch a Flight back to Beijing on Saturday night or Sunday morning. It is 12 ocklock now and my plan is to sleep in the airport for the night so that I can figure out my Visa first thing in the morning. I take my stuff and head for the wifi area with my hazelnut starbucks coffee that I picked up on the way. As I am skyping with pops in Beijing, I begin to relax knowing that my plans for the morning have settled and begin to truly enjoy the airport. Being in an International airport for more than 24 hours is really cool. You get to meet people from all around the world and to improve your geography. I felt like I was on The Terminal.

I approach an attractive girl next to me who I thought might have a blackberry charger. After a minute of conversing with her, I realize that her and her friend are two Israeli girls who missed their connection from HK back to Israel. The girls were working with agalot in Australia and were selling a small sponge that basically makes your nails look really shiny. They start shining my nails and we exchange stories of why we are in an airport together and not at home. The three of us fall asleep on the floor of the HK airport and hope for a better next day. The next morning I send my passport off with a local Chinese man in order to get the Visa I needed by the end of the day. I asked the girls if they wanted to split a room at the airport hotel as I needed a place to stay for Shabbat. They said they were interested. I then said goodbye, booked into the hotel and headed off for a day to HK Island.

I return from my day and the nice guy that I am, I went back to our camp out to say hi to the girls. They ended up being there after figuring out how to get back home to Israel and asked me if they can put their luggage in my room. They put their big bags in my room and begin to excite themselves over how nice the room was(compared to the HK airport floor, the room seemed to them like a palace). They somehow felt too comfortable in my room and something just didn't feel right.

A small remark about Israelis:

Israelis are extremely warm people and when comfortable with someone, know how to give so much. Unfortunately in return, they also expect to be given a lot and know how to take quite a bit. A similar story happened to Sam, Tomer and I in Central America where Israelis just seemed to take too much from us. We met a Karaite Jew and his cracked friend who wanted to take showers in our room and schnore off of us hard.

The girls then went to the pool and I went to work out. They just seemed to comfortable in a hotel room that wasn't even theirs. The annoying thing is that I asked them if they wanted to share a room in the morning and it wasn't cool for them to just shnore off of me. My dad told me that he got the room for me for Shabbat and that I needed to kick em out. If my dad didn't tell me that, I would have probably let them stay being the friar I am. The room had sufficient space and I felt so bad making them sleep in the Airport but it wasn't right on their part.

I spent a quite Shabbat by myself and read myself through it. I ended up getting to Beijing and enjoyed an amazing two weeks in Beijing with my family.

Tips

1. Park far away

Always park far away from where you need to go. It's better to walk an extra five minutes to know that your car hasn't been backed into

2. Israelis & Elevators

Never let an Israeli walk into the elevator before you exit it. People out here love walking in before you even have the chance to get out. We have to start teaching manners person by person

3. Consolidate your sports

Instead of spending your time on being average at 5 sports, spend your time getting better at fewer sports that you actually think you can get better at. No one wants to be the average player in the game. Practice one sport and be the best one at it.

4. Half of dating a girl is dating her family

50% of your research should consist of looking at the family. People underestimate how important it is getting along well with your girlfriend/wife's family.

Funny encounters I experience

1. After several hours of studying, Oly and I decide to take a dinner break and head to the local Hummusia. I take my usual Hummus Egpplant and sit down with Oly at one of the tables inside the resteraunt. All of a sudden, Oly starts screaming and points at a huge cockroach on the wall next to our table. As expected, Oly approaches these guys behind the counter and tells them that there is a cockroach next to our food. The employees thought that Oly and I were these little posh ashkenazi kids from North America. They started calling us Kusiot and were so bothered as to why we made such a fuss. Here comes the best part. Besides the fact that these guys had no idea about service and caring for customers needs, an Ethipoain employee antagonistically said to Oly, "If you are scared, then go to Church". He then asked us if we were Jewish. Oly played the part well and got mad at him as if he was really wasn't jewish. Oly said, "So what if Im not jewish, what's the problem with that?". The conversation got really weird and we eventually left the restaurant both laughing and confused.

2. When I work out ay my gym here in Raanana during early hours, I always have strange experiences. Just last week, I had a nice conversation with an older Anglo man about health food. He then says, "Jake, you know why we guys work out so hard?". I reply that I do it because it makes me feel better both physically and mentally. He quickly responds and says that we just do it so we can have better sex. I just thought this was kind of funny coming from a man in his 60's who I met for the first time in my life.

3. I was doing my normal Triceps workout with a pulley machine. Next to me was an older man in his 70's walking on the treadmill. This dude was hilarious. He is always the guy who is staring a the "younger"(40-50's) women. Between him staring at Rihana on MTV and the women in the gym, he insists that the weight I am doing is way too heavy. He says that my face turns read and I try to convince him that I am naturally red and that there is no need to worry. Later on he calls me a poosie for not doing curls with the 30 Kilos and points to Rihana on his TV screen across from him. He told me that I only work out for the women. What's with these old guys thinking that I only work out because I want to look good for the women?

4. Supermarket food isn't meant for people who actually care about their health. All of the things I want, I can't actually buy. So if you care about your health, what are you supposed to actually buy at supermarkets?

We are all just little robots

With the rise of globalization and open markets, our minds and originality have become crushed. Mass media and other modern innovations are the cause of these results. We evolve much faster in smaller groups. Being one large world could hurt us in the future( it obviously has its benefits as well). Just returning from Paris, I saw some "in your face" type adverts where George Clooney advertises Nespresso advertisments that I see daily in Tel Aviv. These types of advertisments are possible to see in all large cities around the world. Nothing is original anymore. Have mega companies ruined our individual originality and ingenuity? Were we once clean slates functioning as independant human beings?

I believe that mass advertising, the innovation of online pornography and reality shows have truly distorted our view of "normal". We think like robots and our perception of accepted morals are skewed.


Are we fortunate to live in an age where we have the choice to filter all of this available information and have the power to decide how to act or has our human behavior been manipualted by sales promotions, mass advertising and reality shows?

Comments?

Lyon & Tignes Ski Resort

Monster has been the buzz word of the trip. It is what motivates us to drive every morning to the mountains. The pic on the right shows a bit of what a snowboarders room should look like.

On our day off yesterday we took a day trip to Lyon, the second largest city in France and supposedly the culinary capital of the country.We hopped on a bus from Annecy to Lyon which took us about 2 hours. The bus driver wouldn't let me on with my cappucino so we started to chat as he watched me pour my coffee down my throat.

When we got into the train

station, we couldn't even find a travel book/lonely planet in English which is ridiculous. After giving a homeless Arab boy 1 Euro, we headed for the center of town.

Right: Paul on the subway in Lyon

Deficiencies that we've experienced until now in the French culture:

- There is no love for the Anglo speakers

- Everything takes so long to get done and the extreme level of incompetence is very much prevalent in French society (excluding my Jewish people).

Efficiencies in french culture:

- An abundance of good looking brunettes

- Great pastries

Ironically enough I grabbed a Subway Tuna sandwhich and Paul had some sushi in the cuisine capital of France.

Below: In this city begins the story of Paul and his love for French Starbucks. Lyon didn't have much to offer and Starbucks was our highlight.

Paul goes crazy when he sees a Starbucks. We've been drinking these little French Cappucinos and the first time he saw that logo, he just went nuts. He drinks about 5 of these a day. He usually wakes me up only after running around town and hunting down a Starbucks grande Latte. Israel really makes nice hafuch.

In France France, the Arab population dress like gangsters where as the black people dress like trendy Europeans. Things are all distorted out here.

Honestly, we didnt think Lyon had much to offer for travelers.

The next day we headed for Tignes, another well known resort around the area. On our first chairlift up, this really nice french man liivng in the UK thought we were crazy dor diivng every day(2 hours) from Annecy to Tignes and the other ski resorts. Tignes had tons of snow but unfortunately as the day went on, rainy snow started to fall and the powder started to become harder. One thing that was cool in this resort was the fast speed train which went up the mountain. For us North Americans, this was for sure something different.

Below: Speed train in Tignes

Paul and I then decided to grab a beer at this bougie little bar on the slopes. Imagine the clara on a ski resorthalfway down the trail, this was basically what it was. Paul and I grabbed a gansgter little spot n the corner and gulped down two beers. All of a sudden we see this DJ looking guy and a tall black guy in a pimp blue trench coat that looked like Mr. T. A ton of people ended up partying in their ski gear. The staff consisted of a gay man singing crazy songs on top of a bar, one guy playing the trumpet, a DJ on top and a really french gangster looking guy who was the MC.

As we are about to leave, this family receives a warm welcome to the party. They had a table reserved for their family and were drinking these huge champagne bottles. What an "1,850" family! They were sippin 400 Euro champagne at three in the afternoon with their entire family on a ski resort.

Paul and I then headed back to the slopes for our last run. We headed down the trail which was overwhelmed with people and attempted to snowboard down the mountain. We could barely get ourselves down in one piece. All of a sudden this lady screams at the top of her lungs and falls. We thought the chick broke her leg or something but she just ended up taking a light fall.

One thing that that makes me crazy is when people over react their ski falls.

Paul and I coined a phrase to try to describe the extreme "bouginess" that we have experienced here in the bougie alps. When you want to describe something baller-esque or pimp, you say,

"Wow that is so 1850(pronounced eighteen fifty)".

Paul just told me today that in my sleep I have been sleep talking the following words, "Mom, it's so far". I guess these long drives are really getting to me.

Courchevel: Day 3

I was pushing 130 km on the way to Courchevel this morning yet Paul somehow wasn't saying "watch that car bro!" anymore. I guess he just realized that I knew what I was doing and started to trust me more as the driver. Both on the highways and on the slopes, he is the ultimate navigator. The only difference is that on the highways I am in control and he would suffer from any consequences where as on the slopes he is in control(because he heads down the off piste first) and I don't suffer any consequences because I get to choose the best line after watching him fall into the snow.

Driving every morning to ski mountains around the area has really let us travel the Alps in an unforgettable way. We have learnt the roads out here really well and its a great way to experience the alps.

The theme of the trip has been "Stellar", "It's like butter" & Monster energy drink.

Every time we finish a run and I think that it passed my expectations, I say, "Wow, that was a stellar run".

Every time we head into powder, I scream to Paul "it's like butter". This usually means that I am enjoying the powder and am describing to Paul how I think the snow feels like butter under my board.

Every skiier/snowboarder knows that any ski trip is usually a tough one. You usually need a vacation from the vacation. Monster energy drink is what we drink in the morning on the way to the mountains and on the way back to keep us up. At 9 o'clock in the morning today, people thought I was crazy sipping a Monster.

We had a great crepe with chocolate and Grand Mariner Cognac (The Courchevel crowd is so damn "bougie") for 4 Euro.

Paul and I are convinced that because everyone on the mountain has money, they must be Jewish or at least they work for Jews.

Paul is obsessed about not getting a raccoon ski tan. I personally think its attractive.

Paul and I come back to Annecy to check ski reports. We think which mountain looks the best and head for that one in the early hours of the morning.

The photographers waiting to take pictures of investment bankers kids never give us the time of day. They must think that Paul and I are broke mother fuckers.

My entire experience in glitzy Courchevel has brought me to an interesting conclusion.

Sadly enough, "Memories cost money"

If you have no money, you cant take your kids on vacation and show them a nice time. If you cant show them a nice time, they wont have memories (or at least positive ones).

Observing billionaire children ride ponies back to their hotel rooms, see bored mothers read books in front of the 4th best ski resort in the world and not ski and see luxury car after one after another has convinced me of this theory.

Oh yeah, I find it so offensive how these bougie European women come to the mountain and dont even ski. They just shop all day and somehow keep themselves busy while I drive my ass 2 hours every morning to get a full day in.

Courchevel: A place for the Rich and Famous

Courchevel was our first stop on our ski expedition. Courchevel is rated 4th best ski resort in the world. Paul and I had 2 days of great snow which was thanks to the big snow storm that went down right before arriving. The resort is super minted and very expensive. Hummer and Escalades come to pick you up to take you to your hotel. There is even a small airport which people fly into with their private jets. You can practically smell the cash coming out of peoples asses. It is for the rich and famous of Europe. Doing Courchevel on a budget is tough. People put here wear like saks fith avenue type ski ski gear.

We left to Courchevel at 5:15 AM from Annese. I feel like I work my ass off for every minute of ski time. We've been on the go a lot an traveling/logistics haven't been easy.

Driving to Courchevel, Paul was basically driving the car with me. He was more alert than I was and he was braking with me.

Paul makes the lines in the powder and if I see him fall, I change my line. Snow has been kind to us and we have had chances to do some off piste stuff.

Courchevel is a must to visit and the town is one of a kind. Beyond the touristy pony rides for Billionaire children, photographers waiting for you at the base and designer clothing shops, the resort is awesome.

We have been "roughing" it in European ski resort terms but it is still pricy.

Oh yeah and this country has sick baguettes and no one speaks English.

Highlights:

- We checked into a dump for one night and the english waitress offered a sexual favor to Paul in exchange for a snowboard lesson

-Paul acting as my mother on the highway. The kid was simulating the same break and acceleration motions that I was

-The patisserie chick teaching me how to pronounce water(Eau) in French

-Almost not making it up the hill to Courchevel with our Renault Clio. I used my need for speed skills to get that piece of crap French car up the hill.